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Well the "Bluebird of Happiness Comes to Tea" is still here...it's just hoping for its "borders of pleasant stones". And it's a bit of a story...
There is a rather rare and special outlet in blogging, and it's one i'm very grateful for. And yet there is also something here that can kind of put you in a fishbowl... where you can lose that sense of living a more "hidden life", and of living a more contemplative life. It can also complicate and muddy your thinking with so many posts (both your thoughts and others) swimming around in your head. In a word, you can lose center. And its been an ongoing challenge trying to find some equilibrium here, not willing to simply toss blogging but not willing to toss a sense of center either. So this little spot is a try at a solution. It will have a journal element, but it will be more like a website which is varied in when it is updated. Not cutting the blog link, but relaxing it. So we'll see how it goes.
It's also a try at something else: I remember a conversation i had awhile back about introversion with someone. He was saying, "but the downside of introversion is that when you need support from others its harder to find". And something about that stayed with me, because though he was probably quite right that that is what tends to happen in today's world, it still felt so deeply wrong.
Why should the price of simply being who you are and respecting your own needs and boundaries (which really do differ between introverts and extroverts) lead to a lack of support? Why should a hidden life have such an unfair penalty? I really don't think this is how things were meant to be. Introverts are just as supportive as introverts, it is just in a different and quieter way, and likewise they deserve care and support just as much. Its kind of like the "hidden life" side of modesty too--if a woman shows less she is usually cared for less in todays world--and again, this feels very very wrong.
So i am hoping that i can be who i am here, which really is someone who is more introverted and contemplative and seeking a more "hidden life", and yet still be a part of this community in a way that feels... right. I don't think stopping simply being who you are and needing what you need should be the price for community. I don't think longing for a border of pleasant stones means being shut off, but rather being safe and respected for who you are.
And in my own journey here, i'm realizing that the "hidden life" i long for is not about being alone, but rather about aspiring to a simplicity of spirit, and also to a different way of interaction--still connected, still seeking to understand, still carrying each others burdens, but in a way that keeps us on center...and that way can greatly vary depending on our extroversion or introversion or what have you.
Sometimes what an introvert really needs is just to "share solitude". This is very different from being alone, but also very different from typical interactions that can drain and pull an introvert from center. Its hard to explain, becuase i'm still trying to understand it myself. But i do know the feeling a bit. You walk away not drained from someone "pulling" at you or flooding you (which makes an introvert instinctively pull away inside) but rather actually connected. And you walk away not with your head spinning with circles of chit chat, but rather with a strong center and yet still strongly knowing you are not alone in things, cherishing those you care for. Well... trying to understand it still...
May we all find our borders of pleasant stones...
Paix,
Wendy
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(Picture on this page is Ida Rentoul Outhwaite's Fairy and Frog (i've also heared it credited to Elsa Beskow); on the main front page of thr blog, The top image on the main page is from Sándor Nagy from Fine Arts in Hungary (part shown is from a close up crop from here), the bottom image from Shawn Tribe of The New Liturgical Movement)
